婚姻幸福之路

Got this passage via email - quite meanful, therefore sharing and recording here:

給所有未婚，將要結婚，和已婚的朋友!!

我的母親是個非常好的人，自小，我就看到她努力地維持一個家。她總是在清晨五時起床，煮一鍋熱騰騰的稀飯給父親吃，因为父親胃不好，早餐只能吃稀飯。然後，還要煮一鍋乾飯給孩子吃，因为孩子正在發育，需要吃乾饭，上學一天才不會餓。

每個星期，母親會把榻榻米搬出去曬，曬出暖暖的太陽香。每天下午，母親總是彎著腰，刷著鍋子，我們家的鍋子每一個都可以當鏡子用，完全沒有一點污垢。 晚上，她努力蹲在地上擦地板，一寸一寸仔細地擦拭，家裡的地板比別人家的床頭還乾淨，打著赤脚也找不到一絲灰塵。

我母親是個認真辛勞的好女人。然而，在我父親的眼中，她卻不是一個好伴侶。我成長過程中，父親不只一次地表示他在婚姻中的孤單，不被瞭解。

我的父親是個負責的男人。他不抽煙、不喝酒，工作認真，每天準時上下班，暑假還安排功課表，安排孩子們的作息，他是個盡責的父親，督促孩子在功課上有没有问题。他喜歡下棋、寫書法，沉浸在古書的世界。

我的父親是個好男人，在孩子們眼中，他就像天一樣大，保護我們、教育我 們。只是，在我母親的眼中，他也不是一個好伴侶，我成長的過程中，我經常看到母親在院子的角落中，暗暗無聲地掉淚。

父親用語言，母親用行動，表達了他們在婚姻中所面對的痛苦。成長的過程中，我看到、也聽到父親與母親在婚姻中的無奈，也看到、感受到他們是如此好的男人與女人，他們值得一椿好婚姻。可惜的是，父親在世的歲月中，他們彼此的婚姻生活都在挫折中度過，

而我，也一直在困惑中成長，我問自己：「兩個好人为什麼沒有好的婚姻？」

自以为是的付出我長大後，進入婚姻，漸漸了解這個問題的答案。

在婚姻的初期，我就像母親一樣，努力持家，努力地刷鍋子、擦地板，認真地为自己的婚姻而努力。奇怪的是，我不快樂；看看我的先生，似乎他也不快樂。

我心中想，大概是地板不夠乾淨，飯菜燒得不夠好，於是，我更努力擦地板，用心做飯。似乎，我們兩個人還是不快樂。

直到有一天，当我正在擦地板時，先生說：「老婆，來陪我聽一下音樂 。」 我不悅地說：「沒看到還有一大半的地方沒有擦！」這句話一說出口，我呆住了，好熟悉的一句話，在我父親母親的婚姻中，母親也經常這樣對父親說。

我正在重演父母親的婚姻，也重複他們在婚姻中的不快樂。有一些領悟出現在我的心中。[你要的是？] 我停下手邊的工作， 看著先生，想到我父親 .....他一直在婚姻中得不到他要的陪伴，母親刷鍋子的時間都比陪他的時間長。不斷地做家事，是母親維持婚姻的方法，她給父親一個乾淨的家，卻從未陪伴他，她忙著做家事，她用她的方法在愛父親，這個方法是 「做 家事」 。而我，我也用我的方法在愛著我的先生。我的方法也是母親的方法，我的婚姻好像也在走向同一個故事。兩個好人卻沒有好婚姻。

我的領悟使我做了不一樣的選擇。我停下手邊的工作，坐到先生的身邊，陪他聽音樂， 遠遠地看著地上擦地板的抹布，像是看著母親的命運。 我問先生：「你需要什麼？」[我需要妳陪我聽聽音樂，家裡髒一點沒關係呀，以後幫妳請個傭人，妳就可以陪我了！]

先生說。[我以为你需要家裡乾淨，有人煮飯給你吃，有人为你洗衣服 .....]我一口氣說了一串應該是他需要的事。[那些都是次要的呀!]先生說。「我最希望妳陪陪我。」原來我作了許多白工，這個結果實在令我大吃一驚。我們繼續分享彼此的需要，~發現他也做了不少白工，

我們都用自己的方式在愛對方，而不是對方需要的方式。

幸福的路

自此以後，我列了一張先生的需要表，把它放在書桌前，他也列了一張我的需求表，放在他的書桌前。洋洋灑灑十幾項的需求，像是有空陪對方聽音樂、有機會抱抱對方、每天早上 kiss 拜拜。有些項目比較容易做到，有些項目比較難，像是「聽我說話，不要給建議。」 這是先生的需要。如果我給他建議，他說他會覺得自己像笨蛋。我想，這真是男人的面子問題。我也學著不給建議，除非他問我，否則我就只是傾聽，順服到底，連走錯路時也一樣。這對我實在是一條不容易學習的路，不過，比擦地板要輕鬆多了，

而我們在需要 的滿足中，婚姻也愈來愈有活力。在我累的時候，我就選擇一些容易的項目做，像是「放一首放鬆音樂」，自己有力氣的時候就規劃「一次外地旅遊」這樣的事情。有趣的是，「到植物園散步」是我們的共同項目、共同需求，每次婚姻有爭吵，去到植物園，總能安慰彼此的心靈。其實，這也可想而知，原本我們就是因为對植物園的喜愛而相知相惜，一起走入婚姻，回到園子就會回到多年前彼此相愛的心情。

問對方：「你要什麼？」這句話開启了婚姻另一個幸福之路。兩個好人終於走上幸福之路。現在，我也知道父母親的婚姻为何無法幸福，他用自己的方法愛對方，而不是用「對方」的方式愛另一半。自己累得半死，對方還感受不到，最後面對婚姻的期待，也就灰心而死了。

既然上帝創造婚姻，我想，每個人都值得擁有一個好婚姻，只要方法用對，做「對方要的」而非自己「想給的」。好婚姻，絕對是可預期的。

一段適合自己的愛情 真的得來不易。如果不好好把握 不就太對不起自己了嗎??!!

Early Moon Cakes Festival

It's been quite some time since i last update my blog. Well, have been busy with work. Ok, ok, i confessed, not really busy with work la but lazy. The fact that no one is interested in my life, puts me on hold with updating. Er......... but i said before, who cares whether anyone bothers or not. *wink wink* Haha..... ok, ok, the real confession - actually i was busy playing online silly games and i was really lazy with baking any new stuff, so there's really nothing for me to update.

Well, now here comes the opportunity. All thanks to KD and his mum for giving me a reason to update this post.

It'll be another 2 over weeks before mooncake festival but it's so kind of KD to bypass my office to pass me these delicious mooncakes that KD's mum make. #yum yum# I have these also last year but as it was so delicious that before i could get a good photography done, it's all in hubby tummy. Heehee....... this year, no matter what, i also must grab every possible angle of these delicious moon cakes.


Looks very good and delicious right? The color is so even too. As good as those selling outside, infact better and more tasty too.

Different angles taken.

A close up of the cutted mooncake.

Well, i really enjoyed my early mooncake festival. ^-.-^

Purpose of blog

Beginning to ponder over the purpose of blogging. When i 1st started to create a blog, it's to vent my frustrations over some matters. It's all just my personal thoughts. However, some how when there is some viewers, the blog doesn't seems to be personal anymore. It looks more like whatever your thoughts are, you are subjected to criticism - be it 善意or恶意. Really admired those people who blog as a living. They are the so call celebrative bloggers. Haha :( Sigh.... i think i would never be able to achieve such bravery to subject myself to such criticism (perhaps hurts). Guess i really minds what others thinks about me although i always tell myself "WHO CARES". Even when i see my love one's being threaten or humilated, i'll feel hurts too. But really, i blog just to register my thoughts at that very moments.


Read this:
**************************************************
Subject: You see------&-----I see

You think it is a frog and I think it is a horse!

Turn the picture around




Moral : WE HAVE TO RESPECT EACH OTHER'S OPINION; you can see it clearly in the above Picture. We just need to wait and listen actively to others' point of view.

***************************************************
So why am i subjecting myself to such hurts? I really wonder too..........

This really best proved that "IGNORANCE IS BLISS". By not knowing it, i'll not subject myself to more heartache................ i tell myself, don't read anymore already..........will this works????

PS: my therapathic bake : MUNCHY OATMEAL RAISINS COOKIES - recipe available in my bon appetite blog.

Random

Attended a Malay wedding this afternoon. The bride is my colleague's niece. Haha....... everyone asking what has his niece's wedding got to do with his colleagues. Well, i can only say since i'm being invited and since i have the time, no harm in attending even though it's really costly to give a big ang pow for 2 plate of nasi bryani. Actually, my thoughts is that Malay loves crowd（爱热闹）, that why they would invite anybody whom they are associate with。

As i really don't know the bride/bridegroom or their parents at all, i feel shy to wipe out my camera to take photos. As such, i only snap 1 photo and that's the stage layout before the bride arrived.

My saturday noon's snack - bake potato chips skewer chicken.

For recipe - refer to my bon appetite blog.

SUSPICION

A lot of things happened because of suspicion. Because you suspect but you don't ask or clarify, and that's how you began to suspect, and the more suspicion you are, the more trouble could be created.

Just like when you visit a friend whom you have stopped visiting for donkey years because that friend called and asked you to and had actually said wanted to do something specially for you. However, when the visit is done and that friend have clean forgotten about what you were told earlier, do you ask or do you keep quiet? If you ask, it's like you are demanding. If you don't ask, that friend turn around and suspect your motive, what do you do? Sad to say, i personally don't know what to do. To stop all the visits altogether or to carry on visiting and start building the friendship again??? Puzzled, sigh.........

Art Festival & National Museum

Last week met up with buddy STny (to pick up some stuff from her) and another friend. As ny wanted to watch the art festival performance outside the national museum, so we decided to have dinner some where nearby which is the nasi padang at hotel rendezvous. After dinner, we walk down to the national museum, as we were pretty earlier, so decided to take a walk round the museum. It has been ages since i last visit the national museum, infact, not in this new location.
AT THE ENTRANCE - A LARGE BATIK WRAP STATUE
(taken on the ground floor)

A closer look at the statue on the 2nd floor

At the wayang and cinema hall

A traditional head dress used during the olden days' wedding

A very tradition record player

At the food exhibit hall

As not all the hall are open to public FOC, plus because it's already closed at that hour, we did not managed to walk round all the hall. I have also taken very few photos as it was pretty dark inside the hall, and i doubt my camera would give me good effect.

After that, as it was pretty near to the performance hour already, we decide to leave. Thought we would be able to catch a good spot for watching the performance by some Italian group dancer entitled "The dancing Sky", however, i was so surprised to see the whole area is already packed with many audience. This is the 1st time that i'm watching such a performance, therefore, i'm really surprised by the crowd.

As the organiser is a bit disorganise, we were forced to move a couple of times from one spot to another. At the end of the day, we couldn't get a good spot and we are so far away from the performance area. As such, with my lousy camera, i couldn't catch any photo of the performance. But, well, we could still steal a glimpse of the performance. The music is pretty good and the dancer are fantastic. Imagine being suspended in the air, they could still do very artistic stunt. Wow, i wished i was in the front row, then i could get a better look and would be able to take some photos.

Didn't finish watching the whole performance, left half way thru to catch a movie instead.

Short Memory

Suddenly discovered recently that, "OH Dear! I've such short memory."

My aunty in her 70s recently passed away in her sleep (People said this is call good death - no suffering, although it could be such a shock to dear ones). While attending her funeral for a couple of nights, i met my group of cousins which we hardly ever catch up with nowsaday. Most of them are already in their 50s to 60s already (but never look like one, which leaves me wondering how could they keep up with themselves and maintained so well). The funny thing is, they all could remember me and could even call out my name. However, i have no memory of which is which. Only upon mentioning by my brothers and sisters that i could vaguely remember them but i really couldn't recall those old memories that they were talking about. Never knew that i have such fun childhood with them all. :)

Ok, now, the more i think i should record some of my memories here.

Muruku from colleague SK.
Birthday card from buddy - STsn. Also a sexy gift from her which is not convenient to post here. haha.....:)

爱心早餐 from 阿嬷。Not all on the same day of course. But i have always been receiving regularly this kind gestures from friend's mother.

Pork dumpling

Teochew png kueh

And not forgetting birthday well wishes via SMS from buddy - BL, car agent - ACC, Colleague SD, Sifu - IT, etc. etc. Thank you very much.